“Breaking Up is Hard to Do”…but not always!
by Alex Smith
I just had an interesting experience that has only happened one other time in my life. I was dreading having a break up conversation with a backpage guy I have been casually seeing for the past few months. But to my surprise he made the conversation so easy.
Backpage Dating
I guess you could say technically it was not a “break up” because as I mentioned we were casual (aka. seeing other people). But the conversation still needed to be had that I did not want to continue down the road of a romantic relationship. He is a great catch but just not for me. Whether it be timing or “chemistry” the reasons are still there.
Breakups are usually very hard. One person feels stronger about the other. And typically, someone really gets hurt. Actually, I take back those words… both generally get hurt. It’s sometimes just as hard on the dumper as the dumpee. You usually have to prepare for what you are going to say and what you are not. And typically I am the type of person that stresses out about the conversation beforehand…tremendously.
There have been a few times in my life, where men have wanted to know why? That’s a hard one. So you need to be prepared in how to answer the question with some information but nothing that is too disrespectful. You dated this person, so you must care about them on some level.
As mentioned in the video under the article, “How to Break up with Someone Using Style and Sensitivity“, make sure to “choose your words carefully. And most people can see through the “It’s me, not you” routine, but that is kind of the way you want to go. Because you don’t want to be breaking up with a person and telling them all the things that are wrong about them. So putting it on you, can be a very generous way of handling it.”
True, it is a more kind route to say “It’s me, not you”. But most backpage people would say that statement is a total copout…but really when you look at it, all of who he is may be perfect for someone else. So its not really about him, it is about what’s right for me.
In this experience, I was thankful that he was so mature and made the conversation very easy. There was no prying of “why”, or what he could do better, or saying “how about we think about this for two weeks and discuss again”… it just is. So I thank him.
But honestly, I know if backpage people choose, they can read the signals before it gets to this conversation. I say “if people choose”, because sometimes backpage people don’t want to see the signals. What is your gut telling you? Don’t ignore it. In this experience he did not ignore my signals, he called me out on them. So the conversation was not a surprise.
But I also need to say one other thing, the reason this conversation was not difficult was not only because he was an adult that read my previous signals, but also because I think he felt the same way about me not being a good match for him. So I find this situation very rare.
So if you are not in such a “rare” situation and you know the other person is going to be possibly devastated by the break up, listen to these tips in the following video. Hope its helpful!